Enter Gearbox Software. The publisher has proven itself more than capable at releasing games of a high quality standard on a strict schedule. While this certainly will prove beneficial for Mr. Nukem, it is going to feel really weird not being able to make fun of this game for taking forever soon enough. After looking at people’s excitement over the announcement of the game, obviously Gearbox was a good choice to take over the title and get it in our hands. Duke Nukem Forever might just turn into Duke Nukem Right Now. Still, despite all this, could the game manage to turn out good?

The answer at this point seems to be mostly no. Although the trailer we watched seemed to have a lot of Duke Nukem’s trademark attitude, I don’t know that this is actually a count in the game’s favor. Though I loved Duke Nukem 3D as much as the next fourteen year-old boy, I just think this was mostly due to the fact that I was a 14 year-old boy at the time and things like hookers and urine were funny.

Unfortunately, for Gearbox’s sake, this is no longer the case. Instead of finding Duke’s antics endearing and humorous like I used to, I just found myself rolling my eyes during the presentation, as the Duke made flippant remarks about things like his willingness to procreate with a 50-story, three boobed monster (I’d hit it). Sure, I can see that some people might enjoy this level off crudeness, but I just can’t really get into it anymore, and I felt like I really needed to play the game for a while to get a feel for what exactly it would be bringing to the table that I’m not getting from other shooters besides rampant nudity and sexual innuendo.

Luckily, the dudes at Gearbox gave us the opportunity to try out a bit of the game for ourselves after the presentation (and when I say “a bit,” I mean just that). We were let loose on presumably one of the first stages in the game. as soon as the demo started, I found myself at a urinal with really only one option in front of me, piss away my worries. And piss them away I did. As I was finally released from this crass torture, I made my way through some sort of future police station, where other officers drooled all over Duke after making what seemed to be a 4chan reference. I’m not sure what the actual quote was, but it went something like this:

1. Make a game.
2. Reference 4chan.
3. ????
4. Profit

There was some fun interaction during this stretch, including the ability to write on a whiteboard and listen to one of the officers tell you how great your plan was, but nothing too mind blowing. After that though, the base fell under siege, and I was led through a series of corriders by the constantly dying NPCs until I reached a boss battle.

I’m still a sucker for large bosses, so I liked the scale of this enemy who looked mammoth, even in the football stadium that served as the venue for our face-off. Unfortunately, everything else about the battle was uninspired, consisting mainly of the boss and I trading shots while I drained the ammo supply out of my weapon. Ammo drops were always there for me, so I never really found myself out of ammunition for too long, but then again why have it at all if you’re not expecting players to manage it?

After disposing of the boss, I got a brief glimpse of the game’s “humorous” gore, as I kicked a field goal with the cycoplian boss’s eye after dislodging it from its socket. I mean, yeah, great. Violence. I’m just not sure I got the joke.

The second and final level of the demo showed off more of what presumably makes up the majority of the experience, showcasing both driving and running and gunning. Neither activity was all that fun, as I found the driving mechanics way too floating and in desperate need of refinement and the shooting to just be a tad too stale feeling. As I blasted my way through the boar-man enemies in Duke’s way, I couldn’t help but think that there are an abundance of other shooters that offer a similar experience to this game, but in a more refined fashion. Guns were pretty standard (save for the classic Shrinker), and left little to no impression after using them. The Shrink Ray was just as fun as I always remembered it, as stomping on tiny boar-man while he flees in terror provided a satisfying experience.

I found the game to be just as unimpressive visually as it was gameplay-wise, unfortunately for you graphics whores out there. While most everything looks passable, there isn’t the depth of texture and lighting that most high-profile games these days have. The game also had this really grainy look to it that did it no favors ultimately.

While I really can’t say anything for certain. I know that I left the Duke’s booth feeling more than a little let down by the team at Gearbox. I know that they are embodying the spirit of the franchise by doing things like ending the demo with a shockingly graphic blowjob scene, but they aren’t winning me over in the slightest. Once I start seeing some more clever gameplay hooks, and some less crass humor, I might start to rethink my position. I’m left wondering if the juvenile nature of the Duke Nukem franchise is still going to hold the appeal that it once did, although after explaining the demo to scores of people who didn’t get to try it out, the answer this time is most likely “yes.”